In recent years, there have been trends on YouTube where couples are asked individually what particular behaviours define cheating. The point is to see if the partners come up with the same answer.
For example, the question could be “is texting another person cheating?”, and either person would say yes or no. What was super interesting to me was the fact that each couple would usually come up with different conclusions.
For the couples that had different answers, it exposes the fact that their relationships were not properly defined, otherwise they would have selected the same answer. They lack any understanding of the contract they have signed up to (read the post: “a relationship is a personal contract”).
When it comes to cheating, partners should know exactly what their definition of cheating is. When it comes to what both partners expect from each other, they should know exactly what is needed from both of them.
The problem is that people are trying to copy the ideal relationship that is presented to them via society and media, as opposed to creating the specific relationship that suits their own needs. People treat relationships like a ‘one-size-fits-all’ affair.
Let’s use the analogy of playing a card game to better understand the definition of cheating. Everyone in the game agrees on a certain set of rules before the game starts and it is expected that everyone abides by the rules they have consented to.
When one person breaks the agreed rules to gain the upper hand, then they have cheated. Much like the card game, a partner in a relationship has cheated when they have broken the rules that were agreed upon.
The boundaries of a relationship are defined by the two parties involved. For one relationship, having opposite-sex friends could be a violation, whereas for another couple, this could be within their boundaries. It is all dependent on what is agreed upon.
The reason why each relationship is supposed to be different is because the differences are tailored to fulfil the traits of each partner. If everyone in the world is different, why would we be trying to go for the exact same type of relationship?